Item #1 : The Business Suit

First item up is the “business suit”. This is the first ill-fitting expectation that I have chosen to confront.

When I first enrolled in college, I was a PR/Communications Major. I had a lot of ambition and big dreams of jet setting, power lunches, sleek suits etc. The problem came when I hated my first communications class,. But God was working and I ended up in nursing.

Then, 2 years after I got my license and started working, we started to be very prolific I tried for 2 years to work full time and be a mom and wife, and didn’t do it very well. I was exhausted and grumpy and had no clue how to juggle it all.

When we moved to Colorado, I didn’t transfer my license.  We chose to let me stay home, be mom and wife, and eventually homeschool. In 2005, I did get my CO license and get back in the game out of financial need.

I am very thankful for the skills and profession that will always be needed, and I am thankful that nursing is such a flexible and diverse profession. I am able to commit to working only a few days a month, and if need be, I can pick up extra………….but………………….

I still feel the pressure. I choose to stay at home and homeschool my kids and I feel like I have to explain or make excuses why I don’t work more or go on to get certifications or more degrees. I have only one answer–

“I don’t wanna”

I am NOT a career driven woman, and I really don’t want to be. While sometimes, I feel like it would be easier to go somewhere else and clock in, my heart is here and honestly – I am content, taking care of and teaching my favorite people in the world. There are a lot of nurses out there that can do what I do on the floor, but I am the only mom and wife my family gets- I want to be able to give them the best I have.

So, sorry Business Suit – or I guess I should say Scrubs- while you don’t completely get the boot- you go to the back of the closet.

Closet cleaning

After writing last night’s blog, I was thinking about “cleaning out my closet”- burdens or expectations that I have allowed to make a home in my life. Many of them are ill-fitting and uncomfortable. It reminds me of a recent visit I had with a dear friend from church, Char. Before a recent get-away with my hubby to Las Vegas, Char bravely came into my closet and set to the task of dressing my best. See, I have NEVER been able to “get” fashion. Not that I don’t want to look good- no, the problem is that I haven’t been picky and deliberate in choosing my clothes. All but a few items were from a thrift store or hand-me-downs. Now, I love thrift store shopping and the hand-offs were absolute God sends, BUT I never stopped to think if I looked or felt good in these clothes. I wore them out of obligation.

Char lovingly, but truthfully assessed some of my favorite outfits. She gave me some ideas about what colors and styles I look good in, in relation to my height and shape (which has gotten a bit too round–ugh) She even took pictures of me (front and back) in these various outfits to show me how I looked in them. That I must say was the most painful thing I have endured since my root canal last December!

And so, here I am at my heart’s closet, with Jesus to assess what I have stuffed in there- expectations that are way too big or way too small, commitments that have stretched me thin bare , sorting thru them all will be an adventure and maybe a little painful, but just opening the door to my closet and inviting Jesus to sort with me has given me a peace and joy and calm that I haven’t felt in a long time. I was even uber-productive today!

So tomorrow I will take out my first item, see if it will stay or go. Kind of exciting, kind of scary- just like some of those pictures Char took

Being Wonder Woman

I am reading a book by Sheila Walsh titled “I’m Not Wonder Woman But God Made Me Wonderful”. I picked it up from a bargain shelf at a Christian bookstore, the title got me. As a “Modern Day Mother” I feel like I HAVE to be Wonder Woman! In fact, some super powers would be handy to tackle the job. Super strength, mind reading, super speed, xray vision (to see what the kids are REALLY up to when they are supposed to be cleaning those rooms)- but , alas, I have no super powers. On a couple of RARE occassions, I have felt like Wonder Woman- there was a day when all the balls I had to juggle were up in the air, I kept them spinning, none crashed. And I would think to myself “boo-yah, I got this mom gig nailed!” Only to find the next day, I can’t even get one ball up, in the air and going!

No, more often than not, I feel like “Wander Woman”. Wandering from task to task, getting a lot started, having a lot of ideas, seeing things I want to change—but never following thru.

This is frustrating, discouraging and depressing to me, but I think I might have found a key in pages of this book. In her chapter “Returning What Doesn’t Fit” she talks about Jesus’ burden, He promises, is light. What drags us under is when we accept burdens we weren’t meant to carry. Other peoples expectations being one. Just because someone else wants me to take on something , doesn’t me I have to take it.

So, I think that to defeat “Wander Woman” I’ll spend some time seeking Jesus- let him tell me if the burdens I’m bearing are a perfect fit- if not, they go out the door to make room for what He want me to have.

“I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you”
Matthew 11:29
–The Message

2011 Blog Challenge

My hubby presented a challenge to our family to blog once a day for all 2011. So here it begins……….

I am on my way out the door to work. I would rather be sledding in the 5 degree weather with the rest of my family, but to work I must go. This is really one of the hardest areas of being a “modern day mother” balancing work and family and home management. I am thankful to be able to have such a flexible job in nursing, thankful I don’t have to work full time and very thankful, to have a decent paying job. So in 2011, I will be striving to find balance with a joyful heart!

Happy New Year!

Fear vs Faith

We just finished having dinner with an awesome family from church.  This family has two adopted kids and they were gracious and generous enough to share their lives and their story with us.  See, we are ready to plunge into a new arena- the arena of adoption. We invited them to share their story and insights with us on adoption.

My husband and I have thought of adoption often in our married life,but  we became quite prolific early in our marriage, having 4 wonderful children in 5 crazy years. Then we entered into the era of job lay offs. About a year ago, God started working on my heart about opening our family to another child- I can clearly remember the prayers on the elliptical machine offering my family and my home to God to use how He would.  Enter Project 1:27, a Colorado organization which has taken on the challenge of emptying the foster care pool of legally free children waiting for families.  My husband came in contact with this group at a Dangerous Man Conference, we went to an orientation night,  but at that time we were unemployed- again, the time didn’t seem right.  Now,  Brian is in a good job, close to home (no more traveling! Yippee!!) and we believe the time is right.

We have sent in a commitment form and done the spiritual eval (this is a Christian organization) then we came to a stand still.  I think we were both giving way to fear.   Then we had this family in and it sparked a fire in us again.  I appreciated their sincerity, honesty and encouragement.  Even their 16 year old  was very honest about stuff concerning adoption.  It was interesting that the dad’s parting words ( which he had said several times in our conversation) were to not give in to fear, don’t let fear stop us.  Just like he knew exactly what we needed to hear.

What are we afraid of?  Wow. Maybe a better question is what are we not afraid of!  Afraid of biting off more than we can chew.  Afraid of not doing something right.  Afraid. Maybe some deeper seated, more shameful fears are the sacrifice- will we be able to give enough- to give up stuff: free time, dinners out, luxuries- that we may not have when we do this.  When I see these honest fears in print, I feel so lame.  How can I compare those things to a child/children’s life!  What would I not give up if I could give someone a loving, secure place to grow and live- to show them God’s love and care for them!

There is no doubt that we must count the cost.  Jesus was clear about counting the cost of serving him.  The challenge is to put the cost in light of Truth and eternity.  When I think that there is someone, out there that God has called me to love and to sacrifice for- just as he has loved and sacrificed for me- I tear up, and become anxious to meet them.  I know in my spirit that God has called me to this, that we can NOT do this without him, but that He has gone before us, to prepare the way, provide the means and give us everything we need to do this.

When I remember these things, I am encouraged- filled with courage, ready to step out in faith and see what God has in store.

Proud Mama

Just a few hours ago, 3 of my kids finished up a long month of putting together a theater production at our community playhouse. The did such a great job! I am so proud of the hard work and excellent job they did!

Way to go Kids!

Refreshing The Spirit of our Family

Last night the whole family gathered around the table for a knock-down, drag-em-out game of UNO.  We kept score AND dad added that we had to say the card we laid down in Spanish!  Needless to say, there was much, much laughter- the kind that brought tears to your eyes and refreshed the spirit.   (Not to mention the newly formed Spanish phrases of “Skip-ito, Reverso, and Pick-up-ito Dos”  It had been a long time since we had just had fun together, laughed together, been silly together, and I think it was much needed.

As a mom, sometimes I get so caught up in correcting my kids “be quiet”, “not so lound” “stop that” “no,do that”, I must sound like a broken record! Last night I just let them be loud, act silly and enjoyed them being kids- I really must do this more often!